Thursday, March 4, 2010

To put this to rest...who is to blame for Milton Bradley's failure in Chicago last season.

After days of painful and extensive research, I have assembled the ultimate list of people and things to blame for Milton Bradley's issues while playing in Chicago last season.

 

Well...here we go.
  • Ryan Theriot:  Theriot said that he was locker-mates with Bradley.  That's enough to make anyone completely lose it.
  • Sam Fuld:  Sam Fuld lack of production, yet love from the fans, led Bradley to be jealous.  No one could focus on playing well with that crap going on. 
  • Me:  I can honestly say, I'm the one that told Bradley there was 2 outs when he caught that fly ball against the Twins. 
  • My daughter:  She was less than a year old at the time, but she booed Milton every chance she got.  It hurt his feelings. 
  • Toyota:  He had to continuously worry about the brakes on his Prius all season.
  • Barack Obama:  Stupid Democrats are trying to raise his taxes. 
  • Tiger Woods:  Woods slept with Bradley's girlfriend, which really messed with his head. 
  • Margaret Thatcher:  She's to blame for most of what has gone wrong over the last 30 years, right?
  • Bud Selig:  Selig's policy of promoting the game to racist people has been a problem to a number of players.
  • Aaron Miles:  Aaron Miles is evil.  Pure evil.
  • Von Joshua:  He messed up Milton's swing. 
  • Bud Black:  He messed up Milton's knee.
  • The sun:  Stupid sun always getting into Milton's eyes.
  • Day baseball:  Made him have to deal with the sun. 
  • God:  Creation was a bad idea. 
  • Maddog:  His faith in Bradley put too much pressure on him to perform.
  • The Wrigley Field clubhouse:  It's so small that Milton didn't have any space to pretend to hide from the press.
  • Jim Hendry: Big Jim ate all of Milton's Twinkies before each game. 
  • CubbieJulie:  Julie would distract him by flashing him while sitting in the bleachers.  Shame on you, Julie. 
  • Dusty Baker:  Dusty planted the thought in Milton's head that Cubs fans were racist.  And Dusty kept sending him racist letters too.
  • Jacque Jones:  How could anyone ever fill this guy's shoes?  Impossible task.  Bradley was doomed to fail.
  • Al Yellon:  Al turned all the 12 year old boys in Chicago against Milton early in the season.  Jerk.
  • Lou Piniella:  An incompetent moron.
  • Avatar:  Damn blue things kicking all the humans' asses.  How dare they.
  • Scarlett Johansson:  The reasons are obvious.
  • Sam Zell:  His bankrupting of the Tribune company resulted in Bradley getting only a $30 million contract.  Seriously, if they had paid him another $5 million a year, Bradley would have been more motivated.
  • Microsoft:  Windows 7 still sucks.
  • Darth Sidious:  Using and old Jedi mind trick against Milton.
  • Global warming:  The extra heat caused Milton to wear out more easily. 
  • Jerry Angelo:  Bradley just couldn't understand the reasoning behind signing Orlando Pace.
  • Kosuke Fukudome:  If he was any good, none of this would have happened.